I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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