Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize