Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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