i just had sex bonerless
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
