I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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