How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
