Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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