and you said cock pushups were impossible
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
