Define "chronic" masturbator.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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