I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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