I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize