he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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