Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
