You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
