I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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