So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
