Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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