Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
