He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
