I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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