I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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