PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
