I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
