Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
