Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
