I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
