I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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