marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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