You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
