So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
