Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin

(262): View more from Wisconsin

your sister was..

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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(207): View more from Maine

My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?

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(404): View more from Georgia

Boobs are out for the taking

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup

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(904): View more from Florida

I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie

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