Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
