he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
