Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
