Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize