If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
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