So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
