he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
