My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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