You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You've changed since you got that strap on
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
