sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
