I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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