Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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