I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
