This house was built for laser tag.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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