We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
