I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
false alarm. still invincible.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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