All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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