____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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