mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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