They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
