real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Four minutes until I can fart!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
