is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize