I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
