just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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