Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
