I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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