I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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