THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
