So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize