And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
