I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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