I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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