i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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