pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
