you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
