Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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