Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize