I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
