Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
