I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
