Nicole vs. Life
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
