I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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