It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
