I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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