I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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