do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
smell my finger.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
