So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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