I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
