Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
