i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
