I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
