If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
should my penis look like a turkey
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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