either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
