Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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