he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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