I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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