nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
