did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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