if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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