She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
