I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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