Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
