how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
is it fun? or sober?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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