the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
