let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
