i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
