dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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