Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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