i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
