so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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