I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
