So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think i got beer on your cat.
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